There was a time in the recent past when I used to gossip with my friends and family that I want my life partner to be a doctor because of the immense respect I hold in my heart for a doctor. This respect had its roots in 2 reasons. Firstly the hard work they put in understanding the most complex non mechanical machine on earth and its microscopic details. Secondly for the immense power they hold but use it with responsibility...well that’s what I believed and I hope that’s true for most doctors. And it has just been my bad luck to have met the worst of the lot and I hope they are not the perfect sample representing the entire population if I were to put it in statistical terms.
Around 1.5 months ago my dad developed some severe coughing and high fever while in Mumbai and fearing dangerous diseases like swine flu we ran to the doc upfront and from then on we have met around 15 doctors and my dad have been diagnosed with 12-14 different diseases, every time negating the earlier diagnosis. And let me tell you these diseases range from asthma to malaria to pneumonia to TB to even golfer elbow. Almost all totally unrelated. He has given blood for testing at least 10 times in the past 1.5 months. I many a times wonder whether he needs a blood transfusion. Many times he used to get blood test done in the morning as told by some doctor and in the afternoon if we had to meet a different doctor the new doctor would ask for the tests to be done again. Ask him why when test were already done he would say these are advanced test and when u get the result the format of the table or even the font size doesn’t change let alone the counts. Forget the money we have spent doesn’t matter as long as dad gets well. Anyway I am sure none of us has a track any longer. Forget even the tension and every minute of anxiety I and my family has gone through in the last 1.5 months. Forget even the huge doses of wrong antibiotics and medicines dad had, which I am sure would have some bad effect on his body in long run. But what about the prolonged feeling of unwellness and the resultant loss of trust that he has gone through which I think would stick to him all his life and always create a lingering doubt in his mind. As a doctor isn’t patient well being doctors’ prime motive. Atleast under humanitarian grounds and under Hippocratic Oath aren’t docs bound to do the best they can. Is it just a means to make money now days? Or is it that it is really that difficult to diagnose a disease...but the diseases each one of them told us were totally unrelated. I give these doctors the benefit of doubt. Anyway there is not much I can do otherwise also
Well there are certain lessons I have learnt from this experience which is the prime motive why I took the trouble to write this blog. Hope they help all of you though I hope you never need them.
1. Never enter a corporate hospital until and unless you are going to be completely reimbursed. And in case you are going to claim complete reimbursements, corporate hospitals are the best place to go to. Basically the remuneration of doctors in these hospitals is somewhere also linked to amount of facilities that are used by their patients so they might end up prescribing more tests then require. Similarly the doctors who have pathologies in their hospital or pathologies run by their relative might have dire motives in prescribing tests.
2. Always prefer standalone doctors if it is your pocket that’s going to get emptied.
3. A doctor who doesn’t ask for your history is either a genius of not interested in you and your wellbeing.
4. Always reason out with doctors...Take a few minutes of their time and finding out why you are doing what you are doing. 50% of the times you can eliminate at least one test by this. Also this will help you understand what he is suspecting.
5. Every part of your body is connected to every other by some way…so please don’t think that a symptom of some part can’t be related to some other.
6. The more the number of doctors you visit the more sick you are going to feel and the more confused you are going to get. Trust me on this. You might initially feel that a second opinion would be of great help but believe it hardly ever helps. So unless you don’t have choice please don’t change or shift doctors
7. Unless there is total change in “pathy” I mean you go from homeopathy to allopathy or ayurvedic, doctors don’t normally contradict each other. So if you want a second opinion go to a doctor belonging to different “pathy” or if you can’t do that don’t ask the new doctor to contradict the earlier doc, though you could ask him for further course or pretend he is the first doc you are visiting and ask for his opinion.
8. There are certain drawbacks in homeopathy. Diseases like malaria and TB can’t be treated completely in homeopathy. So you might make a futile effort of trying to cure these with homeopathy
9. Always TRUST your doctor...Half your disease gets treated automatically. If you don’t trust your doctor there are very few chances that you would get cured completely because at the end of the treatment also psychologically you won’t feel completely fit as you don’t believe he can make you completely fit
10. Lastly if you have any idea as to which category your problem belongs to, trust me it is always better to go to a specialist than to go to a general practitioner
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Haven’t still learnt to pronounce a two letter word and I am supposed to be double post graduate..…
Shocked? Wondering why or which 2 letter word? How about the word “NO”… Still don’t know how to pronounce it or rather how to use it. But life has taught me quite recently that the ability to say “No” is one of the most important abilities a human must possess. But on the next step after having learnt the importance of that ability when I asked life to teach me the ability or help me learn it, life said No just to give me an example. So I ask for your help, please teach me to say “No” to people and whatever they ask me to do….. I would be obliged.
I can understand my running on the call for help from my family and friends. But beyond this point, though my obliging everybody is uncalled for, I am unable to say “No” to anybody. Though the people in question are not close to me ….. to be true they don’t even matter to me but I still end up caring and helping them and I feel I would affront them if I say “No”. Ask me why should I be bothered even in case I really do hurt them …. I am tongue tied. Ask me what do I expect in return, believe me not even a thank you because most of the time I don’t get it.Let alone thanking me they don’t have the courtesy to acknowledge the favors I have done for them. What’s more? Most of them are insolent enough to tell me what else I should have done which I haven’t.
Such an incident wherein a lady I barely know came home and asked me to apply mehendi on her hands and from that day on kept coming with her family members asking for the same favor. I obliged. After the first evening my mother told me that I needn’t continue doing the favors as it was too much. But I told mom that it didn’t matter if I could bring them a little happiness. But when she came in the second day told mom that the mehendi didn’t come out in dark color and I should have done something about it…As if I could do something about it ???? That offended me a little but I stil obliged.
This incident left me in an introspective mood. Why do I bother when most people don’t? Why doesn’t this kind of attitude irritate me? I thought that I don’t like to be taken for granted but then why doesn’t their habit of taking me for granted bother me…? And when will I change?
After lot of thought I found a possible answer to some questions. I was the oldest in my granny’s house and was supposed to be role model for my younger cousins and hence was brought up such that I would be the good girl of the house. A girl who is supposed to be polite to everybody, listen to all elders, and obediently follow instruction given, helping all elders. Which means you can almost say that I was trained not to say “No”. This was ok at that time when I was a kid because there was not much I could anyway have done for anybody. But now I am a grown up girl and (unfortunately) a capable one ;). But maybe it is this training imparted in my childhood that has stuck to me becoming a huge pain in the neck.
But I think this is true for at least 3 quarters of girls in India. Then why has it left such a deep impact on me. Even after a lot of thought I can’t answer that question.
Anyway forget it…lets tackle the more important question of course the last one…when will I change and how? Again a question I can’t answer…...As someone said…It is not important to know all answer at all times…atleast I know that I need an answer.
But I know this is very important because there is a very fine line when this starts to conflict with your interests. This might at some point of time clash with your self respect…Nahh… not really. But I think it gives others a power over me. A power to assume that I can be taken for granted and would do anything they ask for. And only way to survive is to be able to say NO. But saying No is not the only thing it has to come out without a feeling of guilt. If NO comes out with guilt it would only push you into deeper waters.
Anyway one thing I know is that I am too giving and too forgiving by nature. And I know I need to change that…. and I am working… sorry trying to work on it. Any and all suggestions are welcome.
I can understand my running on the call for help from my family and friends. But beyond this point, though my obliging everybody is uncalled for, I am unable to say “No” to anybody. Though the people in question are not close to me ….. to be true they don’t even matter to me but I still end up caring and helping them and I feel I would affront them if I say “No”. Ask me why should I be bothered even in case I really do hurt them …. I am tongue tied. Ask me what do I expect in return, believe me not even a thank you because most of the time I don’t get it.Let alone thanking me they don’t have the courtesy to acknowledge the favors I have done for them. What’s more? Most of them are insolent enough to tell me what else I should have done which I haven’t.
Such an incident wherein a lady I barely know came home and asked me to apply mehendi on her hands and from that day on kept coming with her family members asking for the same favor. I obliged. After the first evening my mother told me that I needn’t continue doing the favors as it was too much. But I told mom that it didn’t matter if I could bring them a little happiness. But when she came in the second day told mom that the mehendi didn’t come out in dark color and I should have done something about it…As if I could do something about it ???? That offended me a little but I stil obliged.
This incident left me in an introspective mood. Why do I bother when most people don’t? Why doesn’t this kind of attitude irritate me? I thought that I don’t like to be taken for granted but then why doesn’t their habit of taking me for granted bother me…? And when will I change?
After lot of thought I found a possible answer to some questions. I was the oldest in my granny’s house and was supposed to be role model for my younger cousins and hence was brought up such that I would be the good girl of the house. A girl who is supposed to be polite to everybody, listen to all elders, and obediently follow instruction given, helping all elders. Which means you can almost say that I was trained not to say “No”. This was ok at that time when I was a kid because there was not much I could anyway have done for anybody. But now I am a grown up girl and (unfortunately) a capable one ;). But maybe it is this training imparted in my childhood that has stuck to me becoming a huge pain in the neck.
But I think this is true for at least 3 quarters of girls in India. Then why has it left such a deep impact on me. Even after a lot of thought I can’t answer that question.
Anyway forget it…lets tackle the more important question of course the last one…when will I change and how? Again a question I can’t answer…...As someone said…It is not important to know all answer at all times…atleast I know that I need an answer.
But I know this is very important because there is a very fine line when this starts to conflict with your interests. This might at some point of time clash with your self respect…Nahh… not really. But I think it gives others a power over me. A power to assume that I can be taken for granted and would do anything they ask for. And only way to survive is to be able to say NO. But saying No is not the only thing it has to come out without a feeling of guilt. If NO comes out with guilt it would only push you into deeper waters.
Anyway one thing I know is that I am too giving and too forgiving by nature. And I know I need to change that…. and I am working… sorry trying to work on it. Any and all suggestions are welcome.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Hell Right Here
Last few weeks have been hell and yes I did meet the devil. I realized the huge power that he holds … a power to ruin anybody or anything within a blink of an eye.
Not that world hasn’t seen worse things happen, neither that I am unaware of such things happening …only that I always believed that a solution exist at least for sensible educated people But as I learnt. Jab gidhad ki maut aati hai toh woh shaher ki taraf bhagta hai aur jab insaan ki maut aati hai toh who beer bar ki taraf bhagta hai.
Not that world hasn’t seen worse things happen, neither that I am unaware of such things happening …only that I always believed that a solution exist at least for sensible educated people But as I learnt. Jab gidhad ki maut aati hai toh woh shaher ki taraf bhagta hai aur jab insaan ki maut aati hai toh who beer bar ki taraf bhagta hai.
This is an incident involving a normal middle class family. Father very well educated earning quite well around half a lakh a month. Mother house wife but well educated and a postgraduate. Kids two – beautiful and brilliant. Both toppers and merit holders. Only one problem in the family. The father had a little affinity to alcohol. Well a little affinity won’t do any harm...does it...…well I thought not…But I was all wrong.
This affinity rose to love and love gave way to addiction and before anybody could see it coming he had a heart attack. This was his first chance to improve and all his friends and relatives, who knew he was well educated, sophisticated, belonged to a middle class family with limited resources and was a man who knew his responsibilities towards his family, thought he would grab the opportunity with both hands.
But he didn’t…..he had already drowned……drowned deep in his bottle of alcohol and he couldn’t see anything from there… not his family…..not his job...nothing…
His eyes were blinded by alcohol. He started hurting his family when they tried to oppose his drinking…..and I thought this happened only in lower class or upper class family…how foolish of me.
Things went so bad so quickly that people started advising him for rehab. Also his financial situation deteriorated to a state where his children’s education became a liability he was not able to fulfill. He still had his job but the money went to alcohol shops not to his home. I could have digested all this considering that I have learnt that this happens.
But my hatred (Not for the father but for this thing called alcohol ….I had anyway long lost any feeling for the father. You can only take the horse to the water, you cannot make it drink. Life gave the father enough chance to turn back but he didn’t and I don’t think people who don’t take the opportunities given to them are worth your time) reached a level where I am falling short of words when a mishap took place in the family.
The father and mother met with an accident. Though the father escaped with just a scratch the mother was hurt very badly. With stitches all over, jaw broken and clots in the head she was in a very bad state. The father got her admitted but instead of staying with her every minute he walked off to drink leaving her all alone in the hospital. Chill runs through my spine thinking of that mother’s situation. She is in a unknown hospital in terrible pain, no relative in the city to call for help, her kids alone at home not knowing where their parents are and her husband has ran off to drink. Even if, God forbid, something happens to her, nobody to come to her rescue.
They then brought the mother to our city as the father’s parents are here and so is better medical facility. Also the kids were brought to stay at their grandparent’s house because the father was not responsible enough to take care of the kids. We having known the family decided to help out in this time. And I was shocked as to how crude life could be. The father not only left her wife in the care of his old parents who at this age neither could physically nor financially support both the kids and their daughter in law in the hospital. But also asked them for money for his drinks. Even though the grandmother is a heart patient she took all these blows coolly. Though while talking one day she said that instead of the daughter in-law getting hurt she had hoped her son died in the accident. That said it all. A mother can never think bad for her child leave alone curse him and if she could wish her child to be dead I can imagine how much torture the person might have been to his family.
In another incident that I know happened recently, a young widow of the man who died of drinking whispered to her friend, “I am relieved in a way. At least now I can be sure that my income goes to secure my child’s future and not to make some bar owner’s future.”
Then what attracts people to drink. Does it taste that good? From what I have heard, it tastes bitter. It sure makes your life bitter and your mere existence bitter to your loved ones. Another explanation I have heard is that it takes you to a state where you forget all your problems. Well if you are drinking in my opinion you are sitting with your biggest problem and are sure not forgetting about it. Anyway I till date have not been able to find a rational explanation. And by the way the devil I was talking about in the first sentence was not the father, it was ALCOHOL.
PLEASE SAY NO TO ALCOHOL
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
MBA: My training module for Life
I am a strong believer of the fact that you can never connect the dots looking forward, you have to connect them looking backward. And I sometimes marvel at the way life puts the pieces together. So was my experience with MBA. I couldn’t have thought of a better combination of things and a better sequence of events to have happened to me.
I can say without a doubt after having gone through MBA that my engineering college was a temple of human values. You more or less always got what you deserved in terms of marks and behavior. I never topped the class because I never deserved it and I always figured in top 5 because I wasn't as bad either. The marks if I may put in terms of statistics always had ability as a mean and the variance maybe the efforts and luck. Maybe sometimes the marks weren’t in proportion but they always hovered around the mean never straying too far. Also most of my classmates were statues of righteousness when evaluated against the people I met during the course of my MBA. Thus I surely needed this MBA journey before entering into the immoral corporate world.
I was heartbroken when I got into IBS since I was expected to get through to some of the premier B-schools but today I can tell you IBS is a place carved out for people like me. Had I got into a good B-school, I wouldn’t have learnt as many lessons and would have surely failed in my corporate career. I entered IBS with a whole different perception of life, today getting out of it I hold an altogether different perception of life, people, career and success.
When I entered into IBS I was a strong believer of human values. I knew life was unfair but never believed it could be immoral. I always believed in values like sharing, caring, helping, truthfulness and even to some extent selflessness. I believed success at the end always comes to merit. I was full of enthusiasm and gave my best shot from the first day itself, trying to put my best foot forward. And bang I received my first jolt, a stab in the back from a person I trusted and intended to make a long friendship with. I learnt my first lesson. Your friends may be your friends but they are your competitors in the first place. Never before had I learnt to look at friends from that perspective. Fortunately I did quite well in the first semester; had I not, I might not have been able to complete the journey and might have left IBS then and there. My reason for doing well I felt was my love for the subjects apart from fact that I got quite good teachers considering the lot we have.
Then came my second semester, though the subjects were good I wasn’t able to perform. Teachers and peers were such that they only gave me a feeling of hatred towards the subjects and again added to my bad performance. There are various reasons that brought me down and would never be able to point out one except for- my inability to adapt. Here came my second big lesson, you would be required to adapt, there are no set rules or ways to operate and you have to be ready for anything. Well, whether or not I should have changed is question of moral because it might have required me to bring out my grey shades and I am not willing to get into discussion whether I should have done it. But the fact remains that I was not even quick enough to judge the change in the need of the hour.
Then of course came the best days of my MBA - my SIP, a vacation to recoup from a year of MBA and to contrast the learnings from the past year to a real corporate office. The next big lesson came here; I never believed my ears when at the last moment I was denied my preferred location for SIP after about 2-3 months of promise that I would get it. I never thought people use their words so lightly. For me promise made was a promise as good as fulfilled. I never knew promises could be made and forgotten about as if it were a dream from a night you slept well. I still am not capable of making promises that way but yes atleast now I know that’s how many people make it. Here I was quick to implement the lesson of second semester, I understood the need of the hour, adapted quickly and performed well.
All this while I had earned and lost a lot in terms of lesson, morals and marks but not much contribution was made in terms of relationships. After this came my lessons in terms of people and relationships. It was only after my SIP my friendships grew, friendships I would treasure for life. I learnt that I was vulnerable and innocent enough to be used by people and hence should stand vigilant as a watchdog to guard myself. I learnt that each person stands for himself and hence has to find his way alone, bumping into people who he might have to guard against.
But I also learnt that good and sweet people can be found even in the bad and most evil of places and I found my group. I learnt that friends are people who would stand by you and care for you whatever the circumstances. I always believed in taking a friend as he/she is and not trying to change the person and this is one thing I still believe in. My third and fourth semester taught me a lot about people, and the complexities involved in dealing with each. Apart from this I grew very close to Mother Nature. There are very few things that IBS has provided which a B-school should. Well to be specific only two, I think. One was the huge amount resources in terms of libraries, databases and internet (I know it rarely worked) and second was the infrastructure and a beautiful campus. Long walks after every meal, watching the flowers from bud to blossom, watching the mangoes grow and watching the sun set every evening became part of my day. These things and the leisure to enjoy these things would be hardly possible in future considering the hi-tech and crowded cities I would live in. I enjoyed these things and my growing friendship with people through the second year.
Then time came for goodbyes. I had a report to submit before the completion of MBA but that would be later so I left the campus before the actual completion of my MBA saying goodbye to everybody not knowing whom I would meet again. Didn’t feel much as I was travelling but as time passed after reaching home I felt uneasiness, a feeling as if I had lost or left something behind. I missed my friends terribly and felt an undying urge to meet them again. I would stay online all day trying to talk to friends whom I meet online. I felt like running back to them. I felt as if I had lost some part of me in IBS. I seriously felt quite miserable as I didn’t imagine myself ever. I then went back to submit my report and all my friends were still there and met everybody again. After submitting the report and completing formalities it was time for final adieu and I dreaded the restlessness that I felt earlier. While traveling I didn’t feel much, I thought it is yet to begin. I reached home and still didn’t feel restless. Now a few days have passed and though I remember them many a times but I am at peace with myself. I don’t stay online looking for friends. Though my friends, those experiences and IBS would always be part of me and my memories but today these memories don’t disturb me and make me restless they give me a feeling of serenity and tranquility. They complete me. :)
I can say without a doubt after having gone through MBA that my engineering college was a temple of human values. You more or less always got what you deserved in terms of marks and behavior. I never topped the class because I never deserved it and I always figured in top 5 because I wasn't as bad either. The marks if I may put in terms of statistics always had ability as a mean and the variance maybe the efforts and luck. Maybe sometimes the marks weren’t in proportion but they always hovered around the mean never straying too far. Also most of my classmates were statues of righteousness when evaluated against the people I met during the course of my MBA. Thus I surely needed this MBA journey before entering into the immoral corporate world.
I was heartbroken when I got into IBS since I was expected to get through to some of the premier B-schools but today I can tell you IBS is a place carved out for people like me. Had I got into a good B-school, I wouldn’t have learnt as many lessons and would have surely failed in my corporate career. I entered IBS with a whole different perception of life, today getting out of it I hold an altogether different perception of life, people, career and success.
When I entered into IBS I was a strong believer of human values. I knew life was unfair but never believed it could be immoral. I always believed in values like sharing, caring, helping, truthfulness and even to some extent selflessness. I believed success at the end always comes to merit. I was full of enthusiasm and gave my best shot from the first day itself, trying to put my best foot forward. And bang I received my first jolt, a stab in the back from a person I trusted and intended to make a long friendship with. I learnt my first lesson. Your friends may be your friends but they are your competitors in the first place. Never before had I learnt to look at friends from that perspective. Fortunately I did quite well in the first semester; had I not, I might not have been able to complete the journey and might have left IBS then and there. My reason for doing well I felt was my love for the subjects apart from fact that I got quite good teachers considering the lot we have.
Then came my second semester, though the subjects were good I wasn’t able to perform. Teachers and peers were such that they only gave me a feeling of hatred towards the subjects and again added to my bad performance. There are various reasons that brought me down and would never be able to point out one except for- my inability to adapt. Here came my second big lesson, you would be required to adapt, there are no set rules or ways to operate and you have to be ready for anything. Well, whether or not I should have changed is question of moral because it might have required me to bring out my grey shades and I am not willing to get into discussion whether I should have done it. But the fact remains that I was not even quick enough to judge the change in the need of the hour.
Then of course came the best days of my MBA - my SIP, a vacation to recoup from a year of MBA and to contrast the learnings from the past year to a real corporate office. The next big lesson came here; I never believed my ears when at the last moment I was denied my preferred location for SIP after about 2-3 months of promise that I would get it. I never thought people use their words so lightly. For me promise made was a promise as good as fulfilled. I never knew promises could be made and forgotten about as if it were a dream from a night you slept well. I still am not capable of making promises that way but yes atleast now I know that’s how many people make it. Here I was quick to implement the lesson of second semester, I understood the need of the hour, adapted quickly and performed well.
All this while I had earned and lost a lot in terms of lesson, morals and marks but not much contribution was made in terms of relationships. After this came my lessons in terms of people and relationships. It was only after my SIP my friendships grew, friendships I would treasure for life. I learnt that I was vulnerable and innocent enough to be used by people and hence should stand vigilant as a watchdog to guard myself. I learnt that each person stands for himself and hence has to find his way alone, bumping into people who he might have to guard against.
But I also learnt that good and sweet people can be found even in the bad and most evil of places and I found my group. I learnt that friends are people who would stand by you and care for you whatever the circumstances. I always believed in taking a friend as he/she is and not trying to change the person and this is one thing I still believe in. My third and fourth semester taught me a lot about people, and the complexities involved in dealing with each. Apart from this I grew very close to Mother Nature. There are very few things that IBS has provided which a B-school should. Well to be specific only two, I think. One was the huge amount resources in terms of libraries, databases and internet (I know it rarely worked) and second was the infrastructure and a beautiful campus. Long walks after every meal, watching the flowers from bud to blossom, watching the mangoes grow and watching the sun set every evening became part of my day. These things and the leisure to enjoy these things would be hardly possible in future considering the hi-tech and crowded cities I would live in. I enjoyed these things and my growing friendship with people through the second year.
Then time came for goodbyes. I had a report to submit before the completion of MBA but that would be later so I left the campus before the actual completion of my MBA saying goodbye to everybody not knowing whom I would meet again. Didn’t feel much as I was travelling but as time passed after reaching home I felt uneasiness, a feeling as if I had lost or left something behind. I missed my friends terribly and felt an undying urge to meet them again. I would stay online all day trying to talk to friends whom I meet online. I felt like running back to them. I felt as if I had lost some part of me in IBS. I seriously felt quite miserable as I didn’t imagine myself ever. I then went back to submit my report and all my friends were still there and met everybody again. After submitting the report and completing formalities it was time for final adieu and I dreaded the restlessness that I felt earlier. While traveling I didn’t feel much, I thought it is yet to begin. I reached home and still didn’t feel restless. Now a few days have passed and though I remember them many a times but I am at peace with myself. I don’t stay online looking for friends. Though my friends, those experiences and IBS would always be part of me and my memories but today these memories don’t disturb me and make me restless they give me a feeling of serenity and tranquility. They complete me. :)
Yeh lamhe, yeh pal hum, barson yaad karenge………
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