Haven’t still learnt to pronounce a two letter word and I am supposed to be double post graduate..…

Shocked? Wondering why or which 2 letter word? How about the word “NO”… Still don’t know how to pronounce it or rather how to use it. But life has taught me quite recently that the ability to say “No” is one of the most important abilities a human must possess. But on the next step after having learnt the importance of that ability when I asked life to teach me the ability or help me learn it, life said No just to give me an example. So I ask for your help, please teach me to say “No” to people and whatever they ask me to do….. I would be obliged.

I can understand my running on the call for help from my family and friends. But beyond this point, though my obliging everybody is uncalled for, I am unable to say “No” to anybody. Though the people in question are not close to me ….. to be true they don’t even matter to me but I still end up caring and helping them and I feel I would affront them if I say “No”. Ask me why should I be bothered even in case I really do hurt them …. I am tongue tied. Ask me what do I expect in return, believe me not even a thank you because most of the time I don’t get it.Let alone thanking me they don’t have the courtesy to acknowledge the favors I have done for them. What’s more? Most of them are insolent enough to tell me what else I should have done which I haven’t.

Such an incident wherein a lady I barely know came home and asked me to apply mehendi on her hands and from that day on kept coming with her family members asking for the same favor. I obliged. After the first evening my mother told me that I needn’t continue doing the favors as it was too much. But I told mom that it didn’t matter if I could bring them a little happiness. But when she came in the second day told mom that the mehendi didn’t come out in dark color and I should have done something about it…As if I could do something about it ???? That offended me a little but I stil obliged.

This incident left me in an introspective mood. Why do I bother when most people don’t? Why doesn’t this kind of attitude irritate me? I thought that I don’t like to be taken for granted but then why doesn’t their habit of taking me for granted bother me…? And when will I change?

After lot of thought I found a possible answer to some questions. I was the oldest in my granny’s house and was supposed to be role model for my younger cousins and hence was brought up such that I would be the good girl of the house. A girl who is supposed to be polite to everybody, listen to all elders, and obediently follow instruction given, helping all elders. Which means you can almost say that I was trained not to say “No”. This was ok at that time when I was a kid because there was not much I could anyway have done for anybody. But now I am a grown up girl and (unfortunately) a capable one ;). But maybe it is this training imparted in my childhood that has stuck to me becoming a huge pain in the neck.

But I think this is true for at least 3 quarters of girls in India. Then why has it left such a deep impact on me. Even after a lot of thought I can’t answer that question.

Anyway forget it…lets tackle the more important question of course the last one…when will I change and how? Again a question I can’t answer…...As someone said…It is not important to know all answer at all times…atleast I know that I need an answer.

But I know this is very important because there is a very fine line when this starts to conflict with your interests. This might at some point of time clash with your self respect…Nahh… not really. But I think it gives others a power over me. A power to assume that I can be taken for granted and would do anything they ask for. And only way to survive is to be able to say NO. But saying No is not the only thing it has to come out without a feeling of guilt. If NO comes out with guilt it would only push you into deeper waters.

Anyway one thing I know is that I am too giving and too forgiving by nature. And I know I need to change that…. and I am working… sorry trying to work on it. Any and all suggestions are welcome.